The results are in! When I decided to have a contest about “fart stories” one of my first thoughts was, a man needs to judge this contest. Luckily, Steven Frischling a.k.a. Fish agreed to be that man…

For years I have wondered what I would learn from watching The Family Guy
every Sunday evening and a few days ago it became clear…watching
The Family Guy taught me the best way to judge a humourous ‘airline fart’
competition by a flight attendant. The Family Guy is full of off colour
fart jokes and one of the primary characters is an airline pilot, so
somehow this all came together.

Having reviewed the four final entries, which were all quite funny, there
was only one clear winner. The story of how a quick stop in Pittsburgh and
a quick lunch from Taco Bell lead for ‘crop-dusting’ throughout the cabin
and the cock pit. The whole story caused visions of The Family Guy’s
characters on a plane dancing through my head…so for me, this is the
clear winner (and apparently loser for the passengers on that flight).

Happy Flying!

-Fish

Flying With Fish : For Those Who Fly & Those Who Want To Fly Smarter
The Blog For Those Who Fly www.flyingwithfish.com
Corporate & PR Photography www.stevenfrischling.com
Business Travel Strategies www.thetravelstrategist.com
Twitter www.twitter.com/flyingwithfish

Here is the winning story by Brit:

Our plane was late to Pittsburgh and I was sitting near a Taco Bell. I figured I’d eat at the airport because well, you never really know what’s going to happen in the air or when you get to your layover. I ordered Taco Bell and then boarded the plane so I could eat my dinner without all the passengers staring at me (I hate that!).

When I got on the plane, I found out we were delayed because of a mechanical problem with the plane. Awesome, that means I’m going to get a little extra time to eat. What I didn’t find out was that the mechanical problem was with the first class lavatory.

I ate my burrito in silence and a few minutes later the gate agent comes down to board. The mechanics were gone but we were still waiting for the pilots, so it’d be awhile before we left, but I was just ready to go. When the pilots finally got on board, they informed me that the problem with the first class lav was that it won’t flush on the ground. OMG. I just ate Taco Bell. It’s Taco Bell, seriously, you can’t be more than 20 feet away from a bathroom at anytime after ANYONE eats Taco Bell.

After boarding, which was seemingly quick (as we were less than half full) we waited for the gate agent to come down with the final paperwork and to shut the door which took almost another 15 minutes. We finally pushed back and were on our way to Pittsburgh … almost. There was a weather system moving through Pittsburgh and we had a ground stop and would go sit around on a taxiway for awhile.

At this point I was a little uncomfortable. I had been walking up and down the aisle checking on passengers, and I’m not going to lie, there was a little bit of crop dusting going on … I couldn’t help it. It was the first time I’d ever did it. I’m usually pretty conspicuous, not this time.

While walking through the aisle I got a call from the flight deck. They wanted coffee, of course. I had a pot brewed, so it didn’t take long to get it ready for them. While I was delivering the coffee they insisted on chatting. I just wanted to get out of there. I knew it was coming, but they kept asking questions that I couldn’t excuse myself from. Then it happened. I crop dusted the flight deck (I’m not sure if it’s the same thing if it happens in the flight deck, maybe it’s a stink-out?). Luckily just as it happened we got clearance to taxi to the runway and I was able to shut the door and get out of there.

Great story Brit, you deserve more than Tea for telling it! You’ll have to order more Taco Bell and put the tea to the test and of course report back! You can find more of Brit in her Crew Briefing, her blog Yuppish or following her on Twitter. Thanks again to Susan from Colorado Organics for supplying us with Tummy Tamers Tea, a much needed product;-)

Here are our other finalists stories, all very funny. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Dennis:
Was on the cart doing our service when a guy wanted a beer. We keep
our beer in the bottom drawer. So I bent over to get him one and all
of a sudden I let loose. The women sitting across the aisle from him
said “did I just hear what I thought I did”? And I said I’m so sorry
lady. Ran to the back of the plane and stayed there til the service
was over. Later on the lady comes back and says to me “honey don’t
worry about it, it happens all the time”. And with that she gave me
hug. LOL.

Patty:
As a flight attendant I get gassy all the time. We had just pushed the cart up the aisle a bit and I felt a real doozy coming on. I was on the back side of the cart, it was a night flight so we had the lights turned low and I didn’t see anyone in the back by the galley, it was all clear. Or so I thought.I locked the cart and told the flight attendant at the head of the cart I would be right back and I headed to the back lav, pushed the folding door in,turned around, stuck my but into the lav and let her rip. As I was doing this I heard someone yell, “Heeeeyyyyy!” Oops, I guess someone snuck by to the lav. That will teach them to lock the door!

Paul (@FlyingPhotog) :
Okay well I don”t have much of a story, but rather more of an anecdote. I remember back before Southwest went to leather seating, those cloth-covered seat cushions seemed to have magic powers of gas absorption. You didn’t have to be shy about it! Discretion is much more difficult now, and usually involves moving the overhead AC vents and blaming the guy in the row in front of you. 🙂